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In this chapter, the author emphasizes the importance of kindness and empathy, both towards ourselves and others. The author highlights that empathy arises from a deep understanding of another person’s predicament, and that this can be cultivated through mindfulness meditation. Brain research suggests that the same part of the brain is activated when we experience empathy and when we practice mindfulness meditation.

The author also argues that it is important to be open to receiving empathy ourselves, as we often dismiss our own thoughts and feelings as weaknesses or try to suppress them. Instead, the author suggests that we should listen and understand our own thoughts and feelings, just as we would empathize with a crying baby.

The author addresses the misconception that focusing on oneself during meditation is selfish. The author asserts that by cultivating friendship towards ourselves, we are actually dissolving negative forces such as fear and guilt, which in turn leads to greater happiness, compassion, and creativity that benefits everyone.

The chapter introduces the Befriending meditation as a way to cultivate empathy for ourselves and others. The author suggests that we should infuse our lives with empathy for others and see their predicaments, even if they may initially appear selfish or unkind. The author reminds us that everyone is stumbling through life trying to find happiness and meaning.

The chapter provides instructions on how to relate to our thoughts differently during meditation. We can write down our thoughts, watch them come and go, view them as thoughts rather than objective reality, or name our thought patterns. The author also suggests questioning whether our thoughts are based on fatigue, jumping to conclusions, overgeneralizing, exaggerating, or unreasonably expecting perfection.

The chapter offers two Habit Releasers that we can choose to incorporate into our lives. The first is to think back to a time when things seemed less frantic and recall the activities that brought us joy. We are encouraged to choose one of those activities and plan to do it during the week to reconnect with a part of our lives that we may have forgotten. The second Habit Releaser is to carry out a random act of kindness, no matter how small, to make someone else’s life a little better. This can include helping a colleague, assisting a neighbor, or giving away possessions we no longer need through freecycling.

The chapter concludes by addressing the resistance that may arise when cultivating kindness and empathy. The author cites Albert Einstein and other philosophers who emphasized the importance of kindness and compassion in daily life, as they lead to clearer thinking and a better way of living and working. The author suggests that the fear of losing our “edge” by being kind and compassionate is a misconception, as it actually leads to inner security and a wider circle of compassion.

The chapter also presents a real-life story about Marissa, an overworked individual who is caught in the Exhaustion Funnel. Marissa gradually gives up nourishing activities, such as choir practice and book club, to focus on work, leading to exhaustion and unhappiness. The author uses Marissa’s experience as an example of how depleting activities can drain our energy and decrease our enjoyment in life. The chapter encourages readers to assess the balance in their lives between nourishing and depleting activities and take action to redress that balance.

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